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While the idea of
arranged marriages may make Americans uncomfortable, the statistics aren’t so
unfavorable: worldwide, arranged marriages account for 53% of all
marriages. Of these, only 6.3% end in divorce. In India, where 88.4% of
marriages are arranged, there is a miniscule 1.2% divorce rate. Compare this to
the overall 40-50% divorce rate in the United States, and the contrast is
starkly apparent.
Do arranged marriages
actually work? Or does the disparity result from other cultural factors?
Arranged
marriage in the United States
To some Americans,
arranged marriages seem like a relic from some backwards past. But in
fact, arranged marriages are becoming increasingly common here, as a natural
product of cultural diffusion. Indeed, immigrants to the United States are
bringing traditions with them. 74% of young Indian-Americans say that they
would prefer an arranged marriage.
And it’s not just folks
of Indian descent subscribing to this concept. A recent rash of reality TV
shows—including Married at First Sight, Arranged, and Married by Mom and Dad—focus on making permanent matches between total
strangers.
What are
the advantages?
The general assumption
is that most Americans would feel at odds with an arranged marriage. According
to a 2016 Avvo study, however, one in four Americans (25%) would actually
be interested in a professionally-arranged relationship. Is this
such a far cry from a marriage? According to noted sociologist and renowned
sexologist Pepper Schwartz:
A large
number of men and women are open to being matched by a match-maker. This
is a comment on how hard it is to find a mate in today’s society—and how
frustrated modern daters have become. People who have been successful at
putting together a long term relationship for themselves haven’t lost
confidence in their own ability to find someone. But for people who have had
only had short-term relationships, or an important relationship that
self-combusted, then a matchmaker starts looking better and better.
Schwartz’s comment about
arranged romances applies to arranged marriages as well. An arranged marriage
takes the burden of finding a mate out of the hands of each individual. They
simply get to show up and trust that their family has done right by them.
Theoretically, an
arranged marriage also alleviates the crushing
existential questions that couples face, like: “Do we really love each other?”
or “Have I made a good decision?” When others coordinate your marriage, they
can objectively consider your compatibility with another based on belief
system, way of life, goals, and personality. They can then make a measured
decision on your behalf. It’s all too easy to overlook these factors—in favor
of more superficial characteristics– when choosing your own mate.
What are
the drawbacks?
Many critics cite a lack of freedom
as the biggest drawback of an arranged marriage. It’s true that, in some
countries, children are sometimes obligated to have an “arranged marriage”. In
Bangladesh, for example, 27% of girls under 15 are forced into marriage.
Also, if the marriage is
arranged by both sets of parents, it’s likely those parents will continue to be
heavily involved in the household decisions, which could create drama for the
couple. It’s truly difficult to examine such drawbacks from an American
point-of-view, however, as there are immense cultural variances at play. From
another perspective, it may be considered lucky to have the wisdom of parents
at your disposal.
Why are
arranged marriages successful?
Opinions vary as to why
the divorce rate is so much lower for arranged marriages. Certainly, in
cultures that participate in the practice, there are cultural taboos in place
around divorce that just don’t exist in America. Unhappy couples may have
little choice but to remain together. Contrarily, in the United States, you can
literally file for divorce online.
But arguably, an
arranged marriage alleviates the pressure to be in love—and remain in love—all the time. Marriage is a long road that may
include months or even years of feeling distant from your spouse. With less
anxiety around emotion, many folks in arranged marriages actually do report
feeling true love for their spouse. Also, instead of second guessing your own
choice, you feel reassured that those you trust made a good choice on your
behalf.
Although arranged
marriages are not for everyone, it appears that the practice has more benefits
than most Americans might initially consider. This raises the question, as
immigrant families become further integrated into American society, will
arranged marriage become more common?
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